Deb's Paradelle
I saw a cat in my back yard today.
I saw a cat in my back yard today.
He was large, and had a mane that blazed like fire.
He was large, and had a mane that blazed like fire.
I was in my fire, blazed and back.
A cat, a mane, saw he, had a large yard today.
He could sense the blood of a reddish cock.
He could sense the blood of a reddish cock.
With great stealth, he spied his prey.
With great stealth, he spied his prey.
His prey, spied he, sense of a cock
he could sense the reddish blood with great stealth.
Long leap, brazen teeth, setting out for a feast,
long leap, brazen teeth, setting out for a feast,
cannot stand up to a peck so sharp, and so deep.
Cannot stand up to a peck so sharp, and so deep.
Brazen peck, so long and up for a feast, long teeth
leap out so, setting sharp and deep.
Blood, back teeth feast. A long reddish
cat cannot sense that deep fire he spied.
For a setting, stand up, brazen cock! Sharp
and so long was he today. I saw in
my mane he could of had his prey.
With a like great stealth that blazed out, and so.
This is really weird, and probably doesn't make much sense. I tried though!
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It is a little weird but I actually liked yours much more than I did Collins. I think your Paradelle has more substance and the lines are much more interesting. His piece didn't make since to me, it just seemed like a bunch of misplaced words. Your poem however, made me ponder each line. I think you did a nice job at attempting this crazy form.
ReplyDeleteI liked your paradalle.. It made alot of sense to me and I was able to folllow the story you were telling. I think it was a great attempt.
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